Teaching Personal Safety to Children

Whenever I discuss the subject of personal safety with my daughters  I notice they tune me out. Supposedly, they know everything there is to know about appropriate boundaries with others and do not feel the need to discuss it further (because we have had many discussions about it over the years).  But, I still question whether they will be able to stand up for themselves if they were put in an uncomfortable situation.   I recently read a book called Picking up your Socks and found interesting tips in teaching personal safety to children.  I thought I would share them with you. They are as follows:

1. Encourage children's self esteem. Children who feel good about themselves are less likely to develop a "secret" relationship with an adult.

2. Establish and use a touching code with your family.

It is easier to say "NO" if they have specific words. Children will believe and use the Touching Code only if they see it work, time after time. This could  be "No," "It is my body," "Don't touch me," or anything your family chooses.

3. Acknowledge feelings

Children who recognize and trust their feelings are more able to resist uncomfortable touch.

4. Help children relate feelings to type of touch.

Children need to be able to recognize feelings as warning signals. Talk about different types of touch -- good touch (they like it), bad touch (they don't like it), and I don't know touch (they are unsure).

5. Give children many chances to make choices.

The more experience a child has in making choices, the easier it will be to decide how, and by whom, she wished to be touched. You can offer choices many times a day, for example, "Do you want to wear your red coat or your blue sweater?"

6. Distinguish between surprises and secrets.

Surprises are private only for a limited time. Secrets are used to exclude people and have no end. Abusers want to keep their relationship a secret. They extract a promise from children "not to tell." No adult has a right to ask children to keep a secret from his or her parents.

7. Distinguish between reporting and tattling.

Abusers tell children no one will believe them - because no one likes tattlers. If your child can distinguish between reporting and tattling she will be more likely to report abuse. Reporting informs or asks for help. Tattling tries to get someone in trouble. Encourage by listening to their reporting.

8. Recognize that familiar people can be abusers.

In 75%-85% of sexual abuse cases, the child knows the offender. Tell children that no one, friend or stranger, has the right to touch them in uncomfortable ways. Ask them to tell you if they need to use the touching code with a grown-up or older child.

9. Play "What would you do if . . .?"

Children who have had experience thinking of what to do in games are more able to think of what to do when molested. Include a wide variety of situations in your games. For example, "What would you do if you left your coat on the school bus or if a big kid lifts your dress to see what you are wearing underneath?"

10. Encourage children to keep telling

Children need three or four adults to talk to in addition to their parents. Tell your child which people you think will listen. In most cases, if a child's previous reports have been listened to, he will be more likely to talk to an adult in spite of an offender's pressure not to.

** Also, explain to your children that is okay to not be nice to someone if they make them feel uncomfortable. Role play different scenarios in which your child will have to choose to be nice or not so nice to protect their safety.