Rekindling the Favorite Version of Myself

There was a time in my life when I compromised the favorite version of myself to please someone I loved deeply. In doing so, I let go of the beautiful innocence in my soul—the part of me that saw the world as magical and enchanted. I traded wonder for approval, dimming my inner light in hopes of being seen, chosen, and loved.

I started believing I wasn’t enough just as I was. I prioritized my appearance over my essence, obsessed with how I looked in photos rather than how my soul radiated. I contorted myself into the version I thought he wanted, abandoning my truth in a misguided attempt at self-preservation. I dissected every part of myself, trying to uncover why I was no longer lovable in his eyes.

All the insecurities I thought I had buried—childhood wounds, teenage doubts, college heartaches—came rushing back. I asked myself: Why would someone love me? Why would someone choose me? Why wouldn’t they leave?

But now, as I reflect on that chapter, I see it not as a tragedy—but as an awakening.

To love fully, we must be deeply connected to ourselves. Vulnerability is the gateway to love, and I wasn’t living that truth. I relied on others’ admiration to feel worthy, and I mistook external validation for love. I was more focused on receiving love than embodying it. In truth, I had never learned how to truly connect—neither with myself, nor with others. The emotional armor I wore to protect my soft heart also kept love at a distance. It blocked the pain, yes—but also the joy, the connection, the intimacy I longed for.

Now, I’ve chosen to rekindle a relationship with that favorite version of myself—the one who sees magic everywhere and believes in whimsy. The only difference now is that I don’t just view the world’s magic through my mind—I feel it in my heart.

And here’s another awakening: just as I once didn’t know how to love my truest self, neither did he. He came from a family similar to mine that didn’t know how to love in a healthy way. Many of his early behaviors in our marriage—were echoes of his upbringing, not reflections of his deepest self. 

Still, despite all of it, we’ve built a beautiful life together. We’ve shared too much, grown too far, to simply walk away.  And with commitment and faith—we can learn how to love, not just from the surface, but from the soul.

This isn’t the end of our story. It’s the beginning of a new chapter—one rooted in truth, vulnerability, and a deep commitment to love from the inside out. And no matter what comes, I know I’ll never again abandon the favorite version of myself.

Because she’s magic. And she’s finally home.