The Hierarchy of Dinner Conversations

As I was flipping through the book, The Habit of Happiness, I came across a section where the author mentioned a study regarding a hierarchy of dinner conversations.  Like many people, I believe a family that eats together stays together, but never paid much attention to the dinner conversations we had while eating.  So, I found this study intriguing.

A group of social scientists from Duke university believed they could understand families better if they could listen to the unrehearsed conversations at the dinner table.  So, over a six week period, arrangements were made to observe the table talk of families in the research group.  After reviewing the results, the scientists found the most interesting part of the study was the description of the hierarchy of table conversations.  

First, were families that had no conversations.   They spoke in none syllables.  "Meat . . . bread . . . beans . . ." as their needs arose.   They concentrated on food, ate fast, and left the table as soon as they were satisfied.

Second, were the families whose conversations that were predictably critical.  These families criticized the menu, the way things were cooked, and how they were served.  Parents disciplined the children at the table.  The meal often times ended in a family member leaving the table in tears.

Third, were families  who had enough ego strength to be supportive of each other but thought the rest of the world was primarily inhabited by fools.  They genuinely believed that by tearing down someone else helped to lift themselves up.  The President of the United States, school teachers, and gas attendants were at the top of the list.

Fourth, were the materialistic families.  Their conversations were focused on their possessions and those of others. They were sophisticated consumers of all that the superficial life can offer.

Finally,  at the top of the hierarchy, were the families who used dinner time to talk about ideas and issues.  Their agenda  included  current events, recent books they had read, anecdotes on the political scene, and concern for social action.  Their humor was genuinely funny and not thinly concealed barbs designed to hurt some one's ego.  

**I encourage you to listen to your dinner talk and find where your family falls within the hierarchy of conversations.  In our family, we have small children so our conversations are limited.  We have recently adopted a dinner tradition of food naming.  After the meal prayer, we pick a food, such as an apple.  We then go around the table and each person names a food with apples in it (apple pie, applesauce, etc.).   My three and five year old love it!  Over the past couple weeks, we have done different kinds of fruits, vegetables, meat, pastas.   Not only does it make the kids think, it also brings laughter to the dinner table.